Fear of the unknown.

It's been a while since I wrote anything. Things have been busy trying to get in to a routine.

Helping out where I can for my mate the builder. (Lets call him Bob)

trying and failing to get back in to a running and training routine. I have run a few times but I struggle to find the discipline to put my shoes on and get after it.

It will come and I'll keep pushing until it clicks.

If I'm honest with myself the problem I'm having is that when I think about training there is a little voice inside that says "what's the point".

Knowing what treatment I have coming, maybe I should just leave it until all my treatments are done but deap down I know that's the worse thing I could do.

What has helped me through so far is my health and my fitness and I'm told time and time again that it's lucky that I am so fit.

I have made myself a promise and set myself a goal and that is to get in the gym everyday that I'm undergoing radiotheropy.

The build up to radiotheropy has been a bit of a strange one. I have gone quiet and think far too much about what's coming.

The fear of the unknown can be worse than actually knowing what's coming. Don't get me wrong, I've had meetings and had things explained, I have even done the dreaded Google search.

The questions all that doesn't answer are things like. 'How tired will I get, will my head hurt, Can I function as normal.

Everybody reacts differently to everything so there is no way of knowing how your own body will react.

Today was day one of radiotheropy and what an anti climax it was. Carol and I drove down to Southampton General for out 1110hr appointment. It wasn't a sombre drive but we both have our thoughts and fears and that is perfectly normal.

A quick little chat with Ashley and I was invited through to the treatment room. The staff in there are incredibly up beat and talk constantly to keep you calm and at ease.

Reunited with my mask, I was clamped to the table and ready for ever was coming. A quick scan to check exactly what needed doing then I assume the treatment was administered.

With the mask on, you can't move a millimeter. Just relax and trust those around you.

And that was that. 10 minutes and all done. No pain, no discomfort, nothing.

One treatment down, 29 to go. A quick lunch then headed home with all intention of cracking on with my project in the garden.

Man cave/storage unit in the bottom of the garden, but I mostly slept.

While we were waiting to go in for treatment I was talking to an older chap who is 4 weeks in to his 5 week treatment program. He said "some days are good and some days are shit".

I think today was a good day but I've been so worried about things, suddenly I'm not worried and I think that's why I was so tired.

The promise and goal to hit the gym everyday started ok and I got my arse in gear. A 30 min treadmill run and 20 mins of free weights. It felt great.

So tomorrow's another day and who knows what it will bring. We are in it for the long haul and deap down I know it will be fine.

Things I need to do to make it fine are.

1. Stop worrying about things.

2. Stick to a routine.

3. Exercise as much as I can.

4. Be kind to myself. (That was my neighbours advise).